All the Worst...... Plaxico Burress

Before I start ranting about this for 15 to 300 paragraphs, I will give a very brief synopsis of this story.

Last week, New York Giants superstar Wide Receiver Plaxico Burress (Plax as seen above rocking the sweet shades, ice rock on his ear, Escobar mustache, and serious mountain goatie) was accidentally shot in the right thigh (the same thigh that he injured and was nursing back to health) while in a New York Club. This was the first report I read. However many more juicy details have surfaced since the first report was released. Yes, Plax was in fact accidentally shot in the leg while in a night club, HOWEVER, what was missing was that Plaxico was the shooter. OK, so I guess Plaxico, in the nightclub, with the chandelier... Ohhhh so close. It was Plax, in the nightclub, with a gun. Need more Clues... Me too.

Here is what I have been able to gather via multiple media sources:

a) Plaxico had a loaded Gun in New York Club Latina with a few buddies, including teammate NYG Linebacker Antonio Pierce.

b) Bouncers patted him down, found the gun. Questions ensued and it was agreed that because Plaxico was sporting some serious ice ( silver and diamonds on his ears and on big pendants hanging from his neck) along with a fat wad of cash, he would be a likely target for a mugging.... Therefore, obviously, he should pack heat just in case he got jumped.

c) Allowed into the Club, Plaxico gets liquored up.

d) Plax continues to get liquored up and fumbles his drink which causes him to fumble his gun, which was goes down his pant leg, he tries to grab in through his pants, and Bang.

e) The handgun was a 40 caliber, therefore it was likely an exit wound, especially at that range.

f) Plax doesnt let his buddies call 911 after the shot.... They go to Applebees to collect themselves (this part has been alleged but not confirmed) and make a decision on how to handle this.

g) Plaxico contacts his wife, who to amazement is amazingly an attorney, a practice which she is not likely amazing in. Upon hearing from her Plaxico she recommends that he go seek treatment at a hospital where one of her friends works.

h) Antonio Pierce took the gun from Plax right after the incident, to hide it for his friend and teammate. However, he later gave the gun back to Plax s wife.

i) The gun was not registered, or had an expired license, and Plax did not have a special concealed weapon permit.

j) He has turned himself into authorities and will plead not-guilty to criminal charges, which are likely to be possession of an illegal firearm and I would guess tampering with evidence or something along those lines.

So that is the story as I know it, thus far...

My take= Plax should never carry a gun. Especially when in public places, and most especially when does places are places where he will get liquored up.

Classic Take from the Jim Rome Show, this take won the Triple U award for the day (Unfunny, Uninspired, and Unreadable).. However I beg to differ, this one is right up my ally.

Plax, how the hell did you let that gun go off.... I mean you are a wide receiver, havent you ever heard of a Safety.......

Amazing.

A Shoutout to the Worst Position in Football

As I sit here watching the NFL, I can't help but get jealous of the job that these grid iron warriors enjoy. Everyone who has ever played football or been a fan of the game has dreamt of being a Quarterback. Often referred to as the field general, the QB on the one hand has to fear for his life due to the monster defensive players desperate to get their over-bearing hands on him. On the other, he has seemingly the biggest men on the planet forming the offensive line doing everything they can to protect him. Oh yeah, he also gets all the glory/money/women... I once heard a silly statistic from a poll found in some men's magazine regarding something that we have all done: fantasize about which professional athletes' life we would trade with in a second. The poll asked the readers to vote on which professional athlete they would most want to be. The overwhelming concensus was Tom Brady, obviously. However, not all the players in the NFL have it that good.

Do the words Wedge Breaker mean anything to you? IF it they do, then you can relate to just how aweful that must responsibility must be. If they don't, please let me fill you in.

On every kick off, the kicking team kicks the ball down field to the kick returner. The kicking team then rushes all eleven of their players (at full sprint) in attempts to minimize the return yards. The receiving team, in attempts to maximize return yards, form protective schemes to block for the returner. Now, I wouldn't want to undermine the often quirky genius of Special Teams coordinators by generalizing the methods by which they block for their returners. Nonetheless, the one constant that is found in return tactics is the Wedge.















The Wedge is formed by a varying number of players who often interlock arms or hands and run together as the leading blockers in front of the returner (as seen above). The wedge breaker is the unlucky player from the kicking team who makes it down the field first and has the lovely duty of "breaking" the wedge so that the rest of his team can get through and tackle the ball carrier. Would you like to run into big number 95 or 74 at full speed.... Me neither. Yet some players only play special teams and due to their speed often have to break the wedge. Curiously, those guys tend to get injured a lot and don't really get any glory. At least, when asked by strangers "what do you do for a living?" they get to answer: "I play football" and I am pretty sure I can think of a few things worse to answer then that.